The Anniversary You'll Never Forget
by maple the wacky tree
Summary: A year has gone by. Hikaru and Haruhi finally reach their first anniversary. Instead of it being a private affair, however, Kaoru wants to make it one Hikaru will never forget . . . "WHO THE HELL PUTS A CONDOM ON A CUPCAKE!" I apologize in advance. XD


After the giggling patrons had left and Renge had gone home, the loud sounds of a party continued to linger inside the third music room.

"Guys, you really didn't have to do this," Haruhi sighed, trying to brush the confetti out of her hair. But she did so with a small, resigned smile. "We already had reservations somewhere, although Hikaru won't tell me where. He wants it to be a secret. Believe it or not, Hikaru actually remembered today and planned in advance."

"Oi, you make it sound like I always forget. After all, you were the one who forgot the two week mark," Hikaru complained, gently poking Haruhi in the cheek. She not so gently elbowed him in retaliation.

"Because it was only two weeks! Who was supposed to pay attention to that?"

"Well anyways," Kaoru tactfully interjected, sending the conflict away with a wave of his hand. "This day is your first year anniversary. It's extra important. Hikaru's never ever been with a girl before (heck, you've never exactly dated either Haruhi), so we had to celebrate."

"It's true," Kyouya added, although he was standing aloof from the actual party, trying to use the extra club hours to do something productive on the computer. "Most first relationships only last a few weeks."

"See!" Hikaru said to Haruhi in childish triumph. Haruhi rolled her eyes at him, but playfully. Then she scooted a little closer to Hikaru, snuggling up against his side, which embarrassed him a little.

The lights suddenly went out, and then a spotlight appeared right over a certain, overly-dramatic blond idiot. "Yes . . . yes . . . a year is a very heavy length of time. Thus!" Tamaki whirled around and pointed fiercely at Hikaru, making the twin jump. Flower petals from nowhere started swirling around the room. "This could also be considered as the day Hikaru becomes a man, as he can finally guard the happiness of the maiden he so cherishes. And for my daughter, her happiness is of upmost importance to me!"

Without missing a beat, both Haruhi and Hikaru deadpanned in unison, "What cheesy shoujo manga did you get _those_ lines from?" And while, Tamaki zoomed off to his corner of woe, Hikaru and Haruhi glanced at each other in mild surprise. Then Haruhi laughed softly, and Hikaru whispered something to her as he tried to fish out the remaining confetti from Haruhi's hair that she hadn't been able to reach.

Kaoru watched the couple with his chin in his hand, a sad smile on his face. Despite all of their bickering, there was such a gentle air between the two that Kaoru was surprised the rest of the school still hadn't figured it out, although maybe that was better since Haruhi was still posing as a boy, even in her second year. Even now, after a year, it was still hard to look at the two and see just how in sync they were, a harmony Hikaru and Kaoru hadn't shared in a while. But he had never seen his brother grin so hard, so Kaoru knew it was worth the occasional twinges of loneliness.

Not that he was going down without a fight, of course.

Kaoru stood and clapped his hands. "To make a long story short, we wanted this first year anniversary to be one you'll never forget." Kaoru leaned towards the kitchen door and said, "We're ready here, guys."

And out came Honey and Mori, taking time off from college to come visit their friends again. Mori took care of Usa-chan while Honey, with complete, determined concentration, walked over with a silver tray of cupcakes.

"Mori-sempai! Honey-sempai!" Haruhi exclaimed, truly excited to see them.

When Haruhi called them, Honey forgot his carefulness and skipped over with a loud laugh, nearly dropping a few cupcakes.

"Haru-chan! Haru-chan! Takashi and I made these ourselves for you! And Kaoru helped with the icing! Don't they look yummy?"

"Ahhh . . ." Haruhi trailed off when Honey placed the tray on the table. Having anything that was homemade by her rich, hopeless friends was never a good sign, but when Haruhi quickly scanned over them, there seemed to be nothing especially toxic. They were rather plain looking, and the white frosting had been applied rather sloppily on them, but if they made them for her and Hikaru . . .

Haruhi smiled her natural smile and nodded. "Yep! They look delicious, Honey-sempai!"

"Yay!"

Hikaru was already reaching for one, but Kaoru slapped his hand away and shook his finger. "No, no! Haruhi gets the first one of course! And you call yourself a host!"

A little embarrassed by being called out, Hikaru snorted and averted his eyes, mumbling, "What's the big deal? They're just cupcakes."

Kaoru studied the cupcakes before picking out the one cupcake whose icing was surprisingly shaped almost in perfection, completely round and smooth. With a joking wink and a flourish of his hands, Kaoru presented the cupcake to Haruhi. "It's not much, but I hope you like it," Kaoru said in his host voice.

"Thanks, Kaoru." And Haruhi brought the cupcake up to her lips, a small glimmer of anticipation showing in her usually blank eyes. Just as she bit into the cupcake, Hikaru swore he thought he saw his brother smirk wickedly. But before Hikaru could get a closer look, he was distracted by Haruhi, who had jerked back and was spitting and choking in surprise.

"Honey-sempai, Mori-sempai, what the heck did you put in the cupcake mix?" Haruhi exclaimed. "The texture was almost . . . rubbery?"

"Rubbery?" Hikaru echoed, and this time he knew he hadn't mistaken the stifled chuckles that Kaoru hid behind his hand.

Honey looked close to tears. "Y-y-you don't like it? B-but we worked so hard on it!"

Just then, everything fell into place and made sense to Hikaru, but before he could snatch the cupcake away from Haruhi, she was _peeling_ something off the cupcake that was covered in the white icing. And thus, with her round eyes wide with innocent curiosity, a smudge of white icing just to the left of her mouth, Haruhi pulled off a condom from her cupcake.

Everything was quiet.

Then, Haruhi piped up, completely honest, "What is this?"

Hikaru died.

Kaoru was now on the floor, laughing his head off and pounding the floor with his fist. Furious, Hikaru grabbed his twin by the collar and demanded, "What sick joke is this? Who puts _that_ on a cupcake?""

Through a devilish grin, Kaoru answered, "It's just a little present from the best brother in the world, all for your anniversary. Oh, if you want one that's not so sticky and covered in icing, I have a clean pack right here." Kaoru fished one out of his pocket and waggled it in front of Hikaru's nose with a wink. Flushing a deep maroon, Hikaru seized the condom and chucked it across the room.

"Not cool, man!"

"What? I told you I wanted you to have a memorable anniversary. Just thought I'd give you a bit of a helpful _push_."

Before Hikaru could retort back, Tamaki had returned to the table to see what the commotion was about. Immediately, his eyes zoomed towards the bemused Haruhi and the "unsightly object" in her hands.

"YOU FIEND!" Tamaki yelled, barreling into Hikaru and putting him in a choke hold on the ground. "Trying to deflower my daughter's rose, are you? I won't have it! DADDY DOESN'T APPROVE!"

"What happened to this being the day Hikaru becomes a man?" Kyouya dryly remarked, which caused Tamaki to snarl.

"This is NOT what I meant by that!"

"H-h-hold on!" Hikaru exclaimed in complete mortification, pathetically trying to crawl away and escape Tamaki's abuse. But then Honey and Mori stood right in front of his nose.

"Hika-chan, Hika-chan! Don't tell me you've already '_lost something_'! Have you?"

"Ah."

"He _did_ say he made reservations somewhere, but he was keeping it a surprise for Haruhi," Kyouya said coolly from his computer desk, completely uninterested but not particularly adverse to adding to the fire. "Perhaps the reservations were for a love hotel?"

Honey's cute aura rapidly diminished to that of an evil ax criminal, freaking the heck out of Hikaru, and short blond muttered, "I hate people who try to take advantage of the innocent, right Mori?"

"Ah."

And Honey cracked his knuckles.

Kaoru's laughter grew even more frenzied, and as Honey, Mori, and Tamaki all began to acquire murderous, 'protect the lady' expressions, Hikaru shouted, "YOU'RE WRONG! THIS IS ALL A MISUNDER—"

"DON'T WORRY, MY HARUHI!" Tamaki cried, fetching a pair of scissors. ("what the HELL do you think you're going to do with those?") He snipped the scissors loudly for the dramatic effect. "I won't allow this hormonal ruffian to force any scandalous behavior on you. Just drop the condom and forget it ever happened."

"Ohhhhhhh," Haruhi then said, and her tone was so out of place that all the chaos stopped. Everyone looked back at her. "So this is what a condom looks like."

And Hikaru, who was being pinned down by Honey and Mori as Tamaki flourished the pair of scissors, stammered with a hopeful voice, "H-ha . . . haru . . . hi?"

But then Haruhi's narrowed eyes snapped on him, and he flinched. Haruhi set the condom down on the table and headed out of the room with her cupcake. But not without one final, last retort.

"Pervert."

And she strolled outside, happily munching on her cupcake while her boyfriend descended into the bowels of hell.

What an anniversary.

* * *

><p><strong><span>AN:** No joke. This was based off of a true story. Twisted and sick, but true. (although, this had originally been for a guy's birthday, not an anniversary, so i guess that makes it better?)

I'd apologize for all the crack, but it was so fun to write that quite frankly, I don't think my apology would be sincere. XDDDD Man, it feels good to write a fanfic again!


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